The Evolution Through My Pain
The Evolution of Releasing My Compounded Rage & Pain
"HE HURT ME !" I screamed silently
That day in the doctor’s office
When the pain was so great.
My soul felt re-broken....
My body felt re-violated....
And my mind received memories
I thought died with the past.
"HE HURT ME !" I screamed inside
When my father drunkenly missed
My toenail with clippers in hand.
My soul felt frozen....
My body felt attacked...
And my mind received memories
That were meant to last.
"YOU HURT ME !" I
screamed out loudWhen my father flailed his belt;
A whole congregation watching.
My soul was so broken....
My body so violated...
And my mind received memories
That cemented my new mask.
"SHE HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly
As my mother broke the ruler
Across my freshly bathed bare back.
My soul suffered withdrawal....
My body numbly violated....
And my mind learned repression
Of any emotions very fast.
"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I thought,
Held at knife point by an older kid
As a teacher apologized to the boy.
My soul stood at attention....
My body was non-existent....
And my mind began watching a movie
In which it was rescued at last.
"HE HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly
As my choir teacher’s son chided me
With the truth about my dad.
My soul awakened....
My body took action....
And my mind watched with satisfaction
As he spun then fell at last.
"HE TRIED TO HURT ME !" I admitted,
Learning truth equaled abandonment
Watching Mom and Step-dad drive away.
My soul began breathing....
My body escaped attack....
And my mind learned that the degrees
Of pain were deep and vast.
"HE HURTS ME !" I screamed aloud
After a few of my brother’s tantrums
Left bruises on my back and arms.
My soul embraced me....
My body appeared violated....
And my mind learned fighting back
Physically was a useless task.
"YOU HURT ME !" I told myself
As the car door slammed on my hand,
While caught up in a moment of joy.
My soul empathized....
My body throbbed....
And my mind reprimanded me
A pattern learned hard and fast.
"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I thought
Pinned to the wall, my first husband’s
Arm pressed against my throat.
My soul jump started...
My body remained calm....
And my mind learned the art
Of verbal persuasion very fast.
"HE’S GOING TO HURT ME !" I was sure
Trapped in my car, keys taken away;
Coat buttons - the first to go flying.
My soul became alert....
My body stopped the fight....
And my mind suddenly produced the words
The broke the hold at last.
"YOU’RE HURTING ME !" I screamed aloud
As I slammed his body back and forth
With a force I never knew existed.
My soul watched carefully....
My body blew a valve....
And my mind became concerned
About this rage-filled blast.
"YOU’RE HURTING HER !" I yelled
As my next husband mistreated our dog
While she was recovering from surgery.
My soul shouted out....
My body took action....
And my mind spewed forth the words
That stopped the assault at last.
"YOU CAN’T HURT ME ! I warned
While reliving the past in this moment -
My face and eye became black and blue.
My soul observing....
My body at peace....
My mind learned a new truth
And held it tightly clasped.
"THEY HURT ME !" I harmonized
With the sound of the bath water pouring
As tears of betrayal raised around me.
My soul applauded....
My body raged and released....
And my mind closed another chamber
O f trust, now an easy task.
"HE , SHE, THEY , YOU , I HURT ME !"
Became a bath time ritual whereby
I boiled, simmered, drained and re-masked.
My soul praised this first step....
My body renewed itself....
And my mind began to anticipate
A pain free life at last.
"THEY ‘RE HURTING ME !" I cried
Watching my husband and my best friend
Openly flaunting their attraction to all .
My soul observed intently....
My body became cold....
And my mind learned the art of denial
Then tightened the strings on my mask.
"YOU’VE HURT ME !’ I screamed inside
As she told me that he wanted her
As much as she wanted him.
My soul recognized an opening....
My body became numb....
And my mind became very scrambled
My pride and ego felt the blast.
"YOU HURT ME !" I screamed inwardly
While he talked of love, reconciliation with me
She became a fixture in his life.
My soul encouraged change....
My body searched out the tub....
And my mind fabricated many pluses
For this relationship to end at last.
"THEY ALL HURT ME ! I would state
During early counseling sessions,
My Barbie Mask kept in tact
My soul withdrew....
My body acted out....
And my mind kept busy rationalizing
Hurtful behaviors of those in my past.
"IT’S HURTING ME !" I fearfully faced
The raging earthquake and erupting skin
That told the truth of buried anger
My soul came forward.....
My body stepped back.....
And my mind discovered an outlet
Safe enough to receive the blast.
"THESE THINGS HURT ME ! " I expressed
In drawings, and non-gender type paintings
Representing my painful past experiences.
My soul shouted, "Rebirth"....
My body became healthy....
And my mind became aware of
A gift so grand and vast.
"SHE TRIED TO HURT ME !" I told friends
Of the call at work from HER
Announcing her upcoming marriage to HIM.
My soul understood.....
My body felt a tremor....
And my mind couldn’t believe that
She could still upset me so fast.
"YOU TRIED TO HURT ME !" I expressed
To HIM after HE revealed
Knowledge of HER tasteless call.
My soul sang out....
My body jumped for joy....
And my mind realized that I had
Verbalized my anger to HIM at last.
"SHE’S TRYING TO HURT ME !" I could see
As she stood, babe in arms ,at my door,
Inviting me to attend a family function.
My soul produced visions,
My body did the drawings,
And my mind began in earnest
T he removing of the mask.
"SOMEONE’S HURTING ME !" I raged
When an unknown stalker materialized
And robbed me of feeling safe in my home.
My soul opened up to spirit....
My body renewed it senses....
And my mind listened very closely to
The messages that came out so fast.
"GOTCHA !" I mouthed to him
When, after a wild goose chase,
I stood blocking the path of my stalker’s car,
My soul celebrated.....
My body stood proudly....
And my mind thanked them both
For the awareness and acting so fast.
"HOW DARE YOU !" I thought
As my GP yelled at me loud enough
To be heard by staff and waiting patients.
My soul felt for her....
My body held a peaceful pose....
And my mind asked what’s this really about
While prompting her to act responsibly at last.
"THEY CAN’T HURT ME !" I sang
Leaving the reunion and a past love behind; Celebrating the return of a lost part of me
My soul sang along with me....
My body felt rejuvenated.....
And my mind filled with glorious thoughts
Of the present and future instead of the past.
"YES, THEY CAN’T HURT ME ! I’ve realized
It is up to me how often and how long
I allow myself to play the victim’s role.
My soul rejoices.....
My body feels, then lets go....
And my mind began to drop my own
And look beyond each and every mask.
"IT’S NOT ABOUT ME." I see now
That I’m just another of life’s characters
In the movie featuring the universe.
My soul evolves daily....
My body feels all my emotions....
My mind is guided by my Higher Self ,God,
And the Angels of the Light....at last.
"YES, HE (the doctor) HURT ME." I affirmed
Though it was not his intention
For his ultimate role was to bring
My soul to the forefront....
My body to it’s senses....
And my mind to remember, fully express,
And release the buried rage of the past.
Thank you,
Love and Light,
Carolyn Shannon.
![[Get Copyright Permissions]](http://license.icopyright.net/images/icopy-w.gif){kind=small}
Click here for copyright permissions!
Copyright 2010 Carolyn Shannon
Published by True Emotions Artwork Plus